Last updated on January 3, 2023
Buzzwords for the Coronavirus Crisis, that Buzzfeed forgot to give you!
I have never used the word virologist before in my life until March, 2020, but I know almost everything, now. I bet you do, too! Actually we’ve all acquired virtual degrees, because it turns out that each one of us in social media, the Governor’s Mansion, and the news, is either a virologist, a scientist or a doctor! You have taught me so much, even though Gov Gavin Newsom cut off our education over a month ago. So I’m here to give back.
Let’s put together a lexicon for COVID-19, so we can refer to it when we’ve had a nice summer and Stage 2 comes rolling in, shall we? Of course, most readers know these expressions by heart, and some have made samplers from them, but I used some in sentences, to clarify what the New Normal has to say about it.
Definitions of Covid-19 terms
In no particular order: (Okay, it might be that the phrases I hate the most are at the top..)
Flattening the curve: This is a favorite! Everyone sounds so smart when they say it! I found it used as far back as 2004 in CDC, so it’s definitely a Public Health thing. It doesn’t mean what you think: they (almost) admit they can’t control viruses, so this is only about overwhelming hospitals. (We were always FAR from that in California, and now have over 13x the beds we would need!)
Social distancing: Impossible to enforce. Stores are bleeding to death, or have died. There was one old paper referring to social distancing, but the CDC ignored it until last month. Michigan was the culprit state! Everyone at the meeting decided Yes, they had the legal power to shut down the state! In capital letters!! All conference attendees were handed a crown and chalice at the conclusion of the meeting.
Stay at home, or Shelter in place: The correct version of this is Stay at home, you lazy bums. It’s obvious that most of the country still supports this lockdown because 1) they don’t want to go back to work, 2) feel like there is finally some meaning to their lives by watching TV and doing nothing, and/or 3) are agoraphobics.
Stay safe: Excellent phrase for people with limited vocabularies.
Self-isolation: Equals self-imprisonment. This is where the state comes dangerously close to solitary confinement, and cruel and unusual punishment. The LA County Public Health Dept is ordering perfectly healthy people to lose said health (sun, exercise, social benefits, work) just in case. Kill the living to feed the dead.
Quarantine: Same as Self-isolation, but people like using words that begin with “q”.
Asymptomatic: Most of us, latest studies show. It’s a new kind of zero. You might “infect” someone, but you might also be adding to herd immunity. And you might just keep living your life and never know, like most of us. It’s a crapshoot, but the odds are in your favor! Not that you have a choice…
Herd Immunity: What scientists hope for, is that some people will develop antibodies and eventually inject this to others, to get herd immunity. This could take decades. Don’t hold your breath. :) (This phrase is related to a “flock of sheep” or “mob mentality.”)
Masks or Cloth Face Covering: First off, you look like a rube when you wear one, but you knew that, right? Also: men look like pussies. Real masks do have a purpose, and are used in industry and in the home for dust or dirt. n95 masks (meaning they will protect except for the last 5%) are used for medical personnel. Cloth face coverings are a phrase made up by the CDC and our LA County Health Dept, and have no use. They are dirty scraps of fabric, stapled or held up to the face to make you feel safer than you are. Here is why you shouldn’t use one, and here is why I don’t wear one.
Policing: Two large grocery store managers told me “You can come in without a mask. We’re not policing.” I did. But I haven’t been allowed in any store since Barbara Ferrer of LA Public Health stamped her little foot and said, “You ding dongs! Look what you made me do! I shut down your schools, your arenas, your museums, your businesses, your income, your freedom, your entertainment, and even your parks and beaches!! Now I’m going to make you cover your
face in shame and take away even your dignity!” Since I won’t wear a mask, I haven’t been able to go to a grocery store in 12 days and counting. So hungry.
First responders, or Heroes: Anyone in the medical field, including admin and pencil pushers. Are you going to give up your title that easily, LAPD and LAFD?
Modellers: The new tech. They must be the smartest people on the planet! Plus they are the new fortune-tellers. Only, as Imperial College proved, they are also very dangerous and very wrong. Beware.
Non-essential businesses: Leaf-blowers, who specialize in blowing dirt, are essential; restaurants are not. More apartment buildings that will stay empty are essential; thrift stores, which many of us depend on, are not. You know what happens to non-essential people, don’t you? Schindler’s List.
The New Normal: Gov. Gavin Newsom has drawn us an awesome picture: “There’s no light switch here. It’s more like a dimmer,” he said at a news briefing. “Normal, it will not be until we have herd immunity and a vaccine. You may be having dinner with the waiter wearing gloves and maybe a face mask…where your temperature is checked before walking in. These are likely scenarios.” Vomit.
Sacrifice: Not for your country: we’re not at war. Not for your religion: your morals don’t matter. We are being asked to give up everything, including survival (no income, living unhealthily) for unknown people, for an unknown outcome, because of an unknown virus. This has led to a common antonym: Selfish. As in, “You people who want to move past this are SO SELFISH!”
Kill the Living to Feed the Dead
It’s like being a zombie, but backwards.
Standing in place is not living.
This is crazy, and you know it. Take action before it gets worse.
Did I forget any phrases or keywords? Let me know in the comments, and I’ll add them!
[…] Listen to your body…sounds suspiciously like isolate yourself if you feel sick. We’re all doctors and virologists now. […]
[…] As we start to gather more (hidden) facts, including the new studies about earlier cases that were asymptomatic, we need to question why the public has been kept in the dark for so long. We’re smart! We’re all virologists now! […]