Arnold and Maria split because Arnold lost his mojo. UPDATED

What, you mean philandering and affairs (Arnold Schwarzenegger) aren’t enough reason for a couple to separate, but leaving political office will do just fine? Typical Kennedy thinking, Maria!

Arnold Schwarzenegger cartoon as the Governator

Arnold Schwarzenegger cartoon as the Governator

Arnold S’s history with women in the studios

I’ve never run into Arnold on studio lots or in public, but I remember reading the very scandalous stuff the LA Times dug up on him before he became Governor. Many women came forward to claim he had sexually grabbed them. Here’s that original LA Times article on Arnold before the 2003 recall election. There were lots of women who came forward over several days to tell their stories of how he groped them and said sexually explicit things. At the time, the Republicans said the LA Times dug all this stuff up just to threaten his election, because the Times is notoriously Left.

But I’ve worked in the studios, on and off, for several years, and I know very well the caste system there, and how it works, and the power actors have, and I am quite sure every accusation was true. I didn’t vote for him, based on those stories.

Breaking news: Arnold had a child out of wedlock!

Whoa, stop the presses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started this post just riffing on the breakup, and surmising that Arnold and Maria broke up because he stepped down as Governor, and Maria got bored with him, but just an hour ago it was announced Schwarzenegger had a baby with someone who was in their household staff, so she kicked him out!!  From the WaPost:

The Times reported Tuesday that Shriver moved out of the family’s Brentwood mansion earlier this year after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the child is his…

The Times did not publish the former staffer’s name nor that of her child but said the staff member worked for the family for 20 years and retired in January.

Such is the state of news now that it turns out, WaPo reported it, but that my own paper, the LA Times, broke the story. (2nd cartoon after the jump)

The Times says Schwarzenegger told his wife only after he left office (!) and that the woman in question just happened to quit working for the family a couple of months ago, after she met her goal of 20 years with them. So I guess she’s a woman who fools around, but also sets personal goals! What a gal. Can’t wait until they find out her name and what she did on staff.

Jerry Brown kicks Arnold Schwarzenegger out of Governor's office

Jerry Brown kicks Arnold Schwarzenegger out of Governor's office

That really is scandalous, to have it be your hired help. How humiliating for Maria, and says so much about Ahnold, to have him keep this mess next to him for years. I wonder why he told her now. Maybe he just couldn’t keep the secret any longer.

The Cartoons

Top Cartoon Caption: IF ARNOLD STILL HAD TERMINATOR TENDENCIES. Ahnold is at the podium, and says, Okay, the people of California voted down my tax plans. But I still control water, roads, electricity, etc. So…I’ll be back. I did this cartoon in May of 2009, the first one I ever did of Arnold, and/or California, since I had just started doing political cartoons a few months earlier. It’s also the best likeness of him! I did several more of him for Calwatchdog, and found him very difficult to draw for some reason. This might be because I think he’s handsome, and it’s harder to draw even features. Also, the Terminator is SO overdone – I never did that idea again, but I was a newbie!

I notice in his early pictures he had quite the jutting jaw, when he was more German (Austrian, really), and less American. More than one plastic surgeon said he had plastic surgery to correct that, and it’s pretty obvious to me that he did. Interestingly, this is the opposite of Bristol Palin, who just appeared with a totally new face last week, and now admits that she had surgery “correction”, which makes her jaw longer and more pointed. I don’t think I like it.

Bottom Cartoon: OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE…USED. Jerry Brown, who was the former Governor of California twice before, steps into the role once again in January of this year, and kicks Arnold S down the hall with all his boxes from the office. Arnold has a sign saying Don’t kick me…I’m Arnold.

Explanation: Since JB had already been Gov, he wasn’t New, he was Used. And Arnold never likes to be pushed. He looks back longingly at the Gov’s Seal. He had a title. Not like the Kennedys, but still.

UPDATE:

Honestly, I don’t know why I bother to do good blogging and journalism.  I’m rarely out first with a story, but this time I was. Now, commenters on PuffPost and Twitter stole my little condom joke (title above is: Arnold told his secret to Maria: he forgot to wear a condom.) and vomited it into the internet like it just occurred to them. Imitation is flattery only if I get paid for it.

Check out my cartoons on Psychology Today this week: if your boss is an asshole cartoon, and my least popular cartoon on Psychology Today.