Arnold as Baby-daddy for Father’s Day.

Arnold S cartoon - he talks to the media about his bastard child
Arnold S cartoon – he talks to the media about his bastard child

You know the story: Arnold Schwarzenegger shacked up with an unattractive but very sensual maid, Mildred Baena, (I must assume she had sex appeal at some point). I’m guessing it happened in the pantry, don’t you think? While Maria campaigned for causes or politics in the foyer.

Arnold cartoon

I know I said I wasn’t going to do a cartoon about this, but the story was so big that my editor of Calwatchdog, in Sacramento (state capitol), specifically asked me to! Sure, I was reading all the details, but…I just hate outing people, even politicians, for their sexual escapades. It’s kind of private. read more

Arnold and Maria split because Arnold lost his mojo. UPDATED

Arnold Schwarzenegger cartoon as the Governator
Arnold Schwarzenegger cartoon as the Governator

What, you mean philandering and affairs (Arnold Schwarzenegger) aren’t enough reason for a couple to separate, but leaving political office will do just fine? Typical Kennedy thinking, Maria!

Arnold S’s history with women in the studios

I’ve never run into Arnold on studio lots or in public, but I remember reading the very scandalous stuff the LA Times dug up on him before he became Governor. Many women came forward to claim he had sexually grabbed them. Here’s that original LA Times article on Arnold before the 2003 recall election. There were lots of women who came forward over several days to tell their stories of how he groped them and said sexually explicit things. At the time, the Republicans said the LA Times dug all this stuff up just to threaten his election, because the Times is notoriously Left. read more

Bill Clinton and the blue dress.

Perhaps it’s insensitive of me to bring up Bill Clinton and the infamous blue dress RIGHT when everyone is all gaga over Chelsea’s expensive wedding and her expensive dress. I’m sure someone will tell me, if I am.  But I’m curious about a couple of things at that wedding. Really, how come Obama was not invited? Also, the news reports made a big deal that Bill Clinton was there. Why wouldn’t he be at his only daughter’s wedding?? Confusing.

Anyway, if you are a loyal reader, you know that sex affairs interest me, but condemnation does not. Mistresses, gay sex in bathrooms, oral sex in the White House, Tiger Woods (who was shanghaied), all mildly interesting, but I don’t care. What happens behind closed doors is probably lovely and very fun. Also, private.

I do think  Clinton’s charm and strength did get the 2 women journalists released from the strange man in Korea. Yet I still went for the joke. What are you gonna do. At least I didn’t mention the stain. (oops.)

Also, my liberal friends thought being a Friend of Bill was a big deal here in Hollywood, so I put a FOB button on his suit.

And since I do agree Bill was much more responsible for his affair than Monica – but she was there, wasn’t she? – I got in touch with Monica Lewinsky’s agent a couple years later to ask if Monica would like to write a blurb fo

Lysistrata is about withholding sex for peace.

This is a cartoon about Chief Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife, who started her own tea party, neutrality be damned.\

It is also about a contemporary tea-party idea for a centuries old play! A woman in Greece, a long long time ago, before Christ, decided that she wouldn’t have sex with her husband until he stopped the war, and convinced every woman in the city to do the same! According to Wiki, this is one of only a few plays that we have left from Aristophanes, a Greek playwright BC.  Sad. But what a fantastic premise!

Originally performed in classical Athens in 411 BC, it is a comic account of one woman’s extraordinary mission to end The Peloponnesian War. Lysistrata convinces the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands and lovers as a means of forcing the men to negotiate peace…

Sorry for the history lesson. I majored in Drama, and this playwright is unforgettable!

The play is about forcing peace upon people which is a turn-off and not very libertarian. I’m more war-like, myself.

I guess I just like the idea of withholding sex to get what I want. :)

The LA Times wrote Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife Helen’s new hobby, her very own tea party. Once the Times gets their teeth into something, they don’t like to let go! But I can see why, in this case – it is pretty shocking that the wife of a Supreme Court Justice can just up and start her own political party! Influence, much? I can’t believe she is allowed to do this!

“I am an ordinary citizen from Omaha, Neb., who just may have the chance to preserve liberty along with you and other people like you,” she said at a recent panel discussion with tea party leaders in Washington. Thomas went on to count herself among those energized into action by President Obama’s “hard-left agenda.”

But Thomas is no ordinary activist.

She is the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and she has launched a tea-party-linked group that could test the traditional notions of political impartiality for the court.

Although Liberty Central is a nonpartisan group, its website shows an affinity for conservative principles. Her biography notes that Thomas is a fan of Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, author of “Men in Black: How the Supreme Court is Destroying America.”

“She is intrigued by Glenn Beck and listening carefully,” the bio says.

Sounds like there might be 3 people in that bedroom soon. 

Now I am a capitalist, and although I love this cartoon, I need to sell cartoons, so I changed the caption slightly for Slate. (I don’t expect everyone to have read a play as cool as this one.)  It still illustrates the problem.

Caption for Google: Picture of Chief Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife in bed. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE WIFE OF A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STARTS HER OWN TEA PARTY?? Honey? Not tonight, Clarence. Remember Lysistrata? That.

Does Toyota hate immigrants?

Or are immigrants just too short? Or is it the illegal part, which is a huge problem in this state?

I was complaining to someone just yesterday that things in my apartment are too low, like the sink and spigots in both the kitchen and bathroom, the counters, and even the doorknobs! Much construction in Los Angeles includes many many immigrants, whether legal or illegal, so this may be why my apartment is made for short people.

But cars, too?

Such is a theory offered by The Atlantic (which used to be called The Atlantic Monthly.) She based her investigation on another study by the Washington Examiner. read more

Do I have to do a cartoon on GOLF now?

I don’t like sports. The only reason I wrote about Tiger Woods over Thanksgiving weekend was because I thought this was funny:

The Orlando Sentinel reported that an orange and white barricade sat on top of a hole in front of Woods’ home. About 10 feet away, there was a tire track near an oak tree in his neighbor’s yard. The tree had a few scuff marks but was largely unscathed.

I’m always interested in news reports of oak trees, especially when a man named Woods is involved.

But this media interest, this intrusive, low-class waitress spewing crapola is so low class! As he said, it’s his personal business! I don’t care if he had an affair, or his wife got mad, and I don’t care if anyone else cares!  A big, meaty UGH.

But many cartoonists jumped right on it, using every pun and double entendre you could shake a golf club at.

Daryl Cagle has a lot more cartoons over at his place, but here are a few I had comments on.

This cartoon by Jeff Stahler...think it's sexist enough?
This cartoon by Jeff Stahler…Think it’s sexist enough?
All cartoons from Cagle Cartoons.