Cover of National Velvet with Liz Taylor

Why did she die at a fairly young age, 79? I looked it up in several sources, and it was congestive heart failure. That can slow you down. As I understand it, your heart becomes this squishy thing, not like a strong muscle, so your blood kind of swishes around, instead of squirting properly all over. Your legs are what the medical profession calls a “second heart.” That is, when you walk, they push the blood back up to your heart that gravity has let fall down to your feet. So, it’s healthy to walk. And not so healthy that she was in a wheelchair the last few years.

Turns out I’ve hardly seen any of her movies. Mostly, I admire her for being outspoken, and for appearing in public without much (any?) plastic surgery. You have no idea how hard it is for older women in Hollywood. Hell, even a good number of the girls on The Bachelor have had things done, even at 25! (although it’s mostly boob jobs.)

My Elizabeth Taylor filmography:

Jane Eyre – I think I saw it. I read the book, great girls book.

National Velvet - Yes, read the book (all the horse books I could find) and saw the movie. There may have been some tears.

Little Women – probably. I saw one version, and liked it a lot. Who was she, Jo? And I read the book several times.

Image via Wikipedia - Elizabeth Taylor taking off her shoe

Ivanhoe – I think I had to see it in high school. But I might be getting it mixed up with the Ivanhoe Reservoir I see every day.

Cleopatra – Yes. I remember thinking she didn’t look that beautiful to me. She and Richard B. had some chemistry, though.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? – I hate this play. It was originally a play, then a movie. A married couple battle it out, and they’re not as clever as they think they are, but they sure are mean. It makes you squirm. If you saw the Emmy- nominated episode of The Office where Michael and Jan give a dinner party (the only dinner party) — like that.

A Little Night Music – I love this movie! Saw it as a play, too. It’s kind of like Glee for theater-goers, romantics, and sophisticates.

Cartoon after the jump. 

national velvet horse mourns elizabeth taylor's passing

Not what you expected for Ms Taylor’s eulogy?

Rob Tornoe, a talented cartoonist out of NJ,  posted on Facebook:
Who’s going to draw the first political cartoon of Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra being carried to the pearly gates?

Which was funny because so many cartoonists will do/have done that. It looks weird to me to have editorial cartoonists draw heaven, just like gag cartoonists do, but I think death is hard to do well.

Daryl Cagle has several blogs, which is very confusing, but I managed to find his collection of Elizabeth Taylor cartoons. I’m not going to name the cartoonists, because there are 3 or 4 of the most hideous portraits I’ve ever seen there, and 4 have the SAME drawing of just her eyes! Poor Liz. You can make up your own mind whether Gocomics (which has most of the same people) is any better.

Interpretation of Elizabeth Taylor cartoon

Cartoon caption: National Velvet, the horse speaks to us about how he misses Liz Taylor. (title) IF NATIONAL VELVET WAS LIKE MR. ED I m-i-i-s-s L-i-i-z! Elizabeth Taylor, 1932-2011.

National Velvet was one of her first movies, when she was just a teen, so I just went with it. I titled it 2 ways: the one above, and also, IF NATIONAL VELVET COULD TALK. I wasn’t sure if most readers would know about Mr. Ed, an old TV show which is still on TV in syndication, and also spawned some fun comic books.  In any case, Mr. Ed, the name of the horse, only talked with his owner Wilbur, so no one else knew he could talk. From the theme song:

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, And no one can talk to a horse of course. That is, of course, unless the horse, is the famous Mister Ed.

Funny set up, but I can’t remember what else happened! Mr. Ed talked with a loud whinny, of course, so I tried to write his words like that.

And that’s my Liz Taylor take.

My latest cartoon for Psychology Today: How to Write a Personals Ad for Love.

More cartoons:

1. Who set the Angeles Station Forest Fire?
2. Political cartoons for teh LA Times for February 2011.

charlie sheen behind bars - at least, in my fantasy

I mean, really. I’ve never watched Two and a Half Men, and don’t plan to now. Way too much bs, and the silly, silly media for encouraging this public breakdown!

Phil Hendrie (KFI) said the other night that he knows for sure that Charlie Sheen has been diagnosed with grandiose disorder hypomania, says Phil, or some “clinical” term like that. Maybe he’s back on cocaine, I don’t know.

But I know lots of actors, and they’re different from you and I – and they experiment with their own self, which is kind of neat. Maybe he’s just trying on the crazy mask, or the grandstanding one this month. I wish him luck in his 2 upcoming live speaker gigs in Detroit and Chicago, which are sold out.

No details about the show have been disclosed, but it’s being billed as “Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo of Truth.”

Cartoon caption: The Prison of Public Opinion. Charlie Sheen: Two and a half years for harassing and grossing us out.

Image via Wikipedia - Charlie in March, 2009 What's that star thing on his lapel? I thought he was Jewish.

More cartoons:

1. Farewell to Lost cartoon.

jerry brown, meg whitman, and meg whitman's maid cartoon

Personally, I didn’t like her double-speak about illegal aliens, where she said one thing in English and another in Spanish. Um, we have translators here, Meg, not to mention a few bilingual folks.

But was there another reason Meg is failing in the polls? Come back later today when I give you the story of what I learned from John Kobylt (of John and Ken show at KFI – biggest talk show in the country) when he spoke at the LA Press Club tonight!!!

Caption: Jerry Brown, the familiar liberal leader, Meg Whitman, the rich, stern CEO, and the dishonest illegal maid, propped up by Gloria Allred, all battle it out to become King or Queen of California!

More cartoons:

1. The Meg Whitman Fork-tongued Doll.
2. I am bad, but it’s Halloween.

TV is my crack – at least certain shows, but this summer, only three are on my list. :( But DWTS starts up soon, so here goes!

Sorry, no Sarah cartoon today, but I found this on Facebook – the best dancing dog video I’ve ever seen. Look at his tail wagging the whole time! It brought tears to my eyes!

And Television Without Pity is my favorite place to play. So, anyway, lots of guessing about who the pros and who the stars will be each season, and last week it was rumored that Bristol Palin will be one of the “stars”!

Now, we all know she isn’t a star. At all. I think it’s terrible she wasn’t using birth control, and I do believe in abortion, which I know disappoints some conservative readers, but there you go. She’s just a kid.

But how fun would it be to see lovely Sarah each week in the audience, however long Bristol can be voted to stay in?! Ooh, I just found that I made a joke about Sarah and Obama on Dancing with the Stars back in 2008. How prescient am I?!

From a commenter at TWOP:

Bristol Palin would be a dealkiller for me. The message would be: get knocked up as a teenager and have a fundie lunatic for a mother and you too can be on Dancing with the Stars. Apparently ABC wants to give Sarah Palin free publicity because you know that every show will include at least 5 shots of her sitting in the front row.

No thanks.

—————-

I have nothing against Bristol, it’s better than if we end up with some Jersey Shore moron. And Sarah tends to stick to FOX News since they gave her that fat contract, so we may not see her as much as you think.

———————

I thought it was tough to watch Heather Mills, I thought it was tough to watch Tom Delay. Kate Gosselin almost did me in. I’m sure Bristol is a nice person but…maybe I should take this season off.

I liked Heather Mills and Tom Delay, and even Kate! So this might be a good season for me!

Other stars rumored to be on the show, according to Daily Kos:

A friend at ABC Entertainment informs me that Bernadine Dohrn, professor and former Weather Underground militant, is among contestants soon to be announced for “Dancing with the Stars.”

Along with Dohrn, the newly added contestants include:

Chris Kattan, comic actor
Nastia Liukin, Olympic Gold Medal gymnast
Ron Gettelfinger, former union president

They join the “stars” announced earlier:

Bristol Palin
David Hasselhoff
Brandy, R&B singer
Audrina Partridge of “The Hills”
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino

Politico reports it, too. But I don’t believe the rest of this list at all. ABC keeps the cast under tight wraps, and always lists fake ones each year! The leaks this year are coming mostly from Twitter – actors and dancers cannot keep their mouths shut. (Who didn’t know that?)

Other rumors:

I’m not sure how credible Star magazine is, but according to them, Audrina, Jennifer Grey and Florence Henderson are signed up for this season.

Michael Bolton & Kym
Rick Fox & Edyta
Mike “The Situation” & Cheryl
Kurt Warner & Cheslie
David Hasselhoff & Karina
Troy Aikmen (or whatever male star) & Lacey

Bristol Palin & Mark
Brandy & Maks (just don’t give my girl Alec lol)
Margret Cho & Louis
Florence Henderson & Derek (one can hope right lol)
Jennifer Grey & Tony
Audrina Patridge & Alec

There will be a Press Conference! tonight on Bachelor Pad about the cast, so stay tuned!

More cartoons:

1. The vampire and Sarah Palin.
2. My first Sarah Palin cartoon, gun included.

The LA Times had a little item on this that had me laughing so hard I had to investigate further. (Why do I even bother to search latimes.com for the article? Man, their website STILL sucks for search.)

From Lehigh Times:

A game called “Alien Attack” at the Our Lady of Mount Carmel Big Time celebration in Roseto encouraged players to shoot darts at the head and heart of an image of a suited black man holding a health care bill and wearing a presidential seal.

obama carnival fair game from lehigh times

Irvin L. Good Jr., president of Hellertown-based Goodtime Amusements, said it wasn’t supposed to be Obama.

“We’re not interpreting it as Obama. The name of the game is ‘Alien Leader.’ If you’re offended, that’s fine, we duly note that.”

Don’t you love it?!

Our Lady pastor the Rev. Jim Prior said:

“We’re used to this kind of bigotry and prejudice, and we abhor it but it’s the way of the world,” Prior said. “Even the Divine Father himself is vilified in today’s culture.”

Oh, my gah, this priest is comparing Obama to God!! And WAY to change the subject, Rev. Prior!

The Morning Call had more. The Secret Service is investigating now, and Good changed his tune:

“I guess we made an error in judgment, and we apologize for that,” said Good, who has had the game for about six weeks. “I voted for the man. It wasn’t meant to be him. If they took it that way, we apologize.”

Players paid $1 per shot, or $5 for six shots, to fire foam darts at targets on his head and heart. Those who hit their mark won a stuffed animal.

The White House issued a statement Wednesday through spokeswoman Moira Mack saying it disapproves of using the president’s name and likeness for commercial purposes. The longstanding policy precedes Obama.

Federal law prohibits anyone from knowingly displaying any print or likeness of the presidential seal. Violators can face a fine and up to six months in prison. The U.S attorney’s office in Philadelphia declined to comment on the matter.

I agree that making fun of the Presidential office in any way dilutes the importance of the office, and of our country. Even if it’s Obama. What retards. (I’m not Jennifer Aniston, so I can say it.)

But I still laughed at everyone’s incredible obliviousness.

More cartoons:

1. Obama won Nobel Peace Prize in spite of himself.
2. Barack Obama has a dream, too.